That's intense
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
