I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
