She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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