I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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