Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
