Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The beer is more important than you right now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
