HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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