If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
