Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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