my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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