Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
