Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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