my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
