hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
