I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize