He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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