Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
