I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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