is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
