hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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