Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
