This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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