I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
