i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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