No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
