it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
