Midget sex pt 2 tonight
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
