Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
