I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
