i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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