How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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