Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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