It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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