I'd wear matching sweaters with you
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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