i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
