I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
