My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
