honey bunches of taint.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
