Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
