guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
