apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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