They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
