I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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