I'm so fucking centered right now
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
