dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
