I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
