I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
