how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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