called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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