Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
