just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Green mimosas i think yes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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