At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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