You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
