Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
