your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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