Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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