Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.

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(315): That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge. http://tfl.nu/kztm

Replies (35) Good night (835) Bad night (4345)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this

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(225): shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this http://tfl.nu/x9rq

Replies (27) Good night (3257) Bad night (516)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.

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(203): my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus. http://tfl.nu/bisy

Replies (9) Good night (705) Bad night (4049)
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(303): View more from Colorado

she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?

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(303): she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out? http://tfl.nu/1nw7

Replies (69) Good night (10297) Bad night (1238)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children

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(504): how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children http://tfl.nu/hk2n

Replies (11) Good night (2409) Bad night (4150)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.

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(480): I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly. http://tfl.nu/a7gl

Replies (10) Good night (3553) Bad night (1372)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.

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(617): now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon. http://tfl.nu/epth

Replies (14) Good night (3088) Bad night (1981)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.

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(508): in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar. http://tfl.nu/rqsf

Replies (9) Good night (1440) Bad night (2403)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies

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(318): What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies http://tfl.nu/mqvt

Replies (4) Good night (806) Bad night (1877)
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(916): View more from California

I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.

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(916): I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made. http://tfl.nu/41km

Replies (5) Good night (1276) Bad night (474)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.

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(715): I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve. http://tfl.nu/cch7

Replies (3) Good night (1049) Bad night (789)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."

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(901): You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants." http://tfl.nu/f9vw

Replies (6) Good night (461) Bad night (1139)
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(416): View more from Toronto

BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.

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(416): BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT. http://tfl.nu/cryj

Replies (5) Good night (741) Bad night (324)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.

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(218): There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon. http://tfl.nu/foxi

Replies (5) Good night (1516) Bad night (355)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever

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(225): also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever http://tfl.nu/6lx6

Replies (1) Good night (571) Bad night (318)

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