WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
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Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.