the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.