Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head