Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Help me help you realize you are a moron