Texts From Last Night

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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.

  (1-416): View more from Ontario

  u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u

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  (416): I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck. (1-416): u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u http://tfl.nu/rica
  Replies (16) Good night (1291) Bad night (3902)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.

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  (727): He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass. http://tfl.nu/11ss
  Replies (8) Good night (1109) Bad night (4671)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.

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  (647): look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me. http://tfl.nu/z593
  Replies (4) Good night (800) Bad night (3255)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...

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  (919): I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy... http://tfl.nu/yiqn
  Replies (38) Good night (5779) Bad night (2153)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  should my penis look like a turkey

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  (319): should my penis look like a turkey http://tfl.nu/u56w
  Replies (18) Good night (982) Bad night (5420)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting

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  (845): I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting http://tfl.nu/p4gt
  Replies (14) Good night (6686) Bad night (1232)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.

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  (410): You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/0v77
  Replies (11) Good night (992) Bad night (2913)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.

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  (609): I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from. http://tfl.nu/yx57
  Replies (11) Good night (2846) Bad night (913)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.

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  (435): I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry. http://tfl.nu/g6j9
  Replies (6) Good night (1686) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!

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  (604): Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon! http://tfl.nu/zzxk
  Replies (7) Good night (1359) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.

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  (910): Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee. http://tfl.nu/pw4k
  Replies (12) Good night (2075) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned

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  (519): You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned http://tfl.nu/faec
  Replies (4) Good night (1082) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.

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  (706): Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one? (1-706): You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome. http://tfl.nu/97og
  Replies (4) Good night (947) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.

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  (609): Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles. http://tfl.nu/ptzf
  Replies (4) Good night (440) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi

  (408): View more from California

  so I peed on it

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  (408): I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi (408): so I peed on it http://tfl.nu/hxc3
  Replies (5) Good night (1105) Bad night (374)

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