You're my little dorito
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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