Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
