We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
