Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
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She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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