my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
