I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
